Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
