Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
