just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
