If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
