It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
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We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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