i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
