I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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