that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
