Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
