I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize