can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
My breasts were aching with rage.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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