my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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