We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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