I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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