So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
