Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
