I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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