Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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