so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
