So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
