You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
