I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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