I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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