I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
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Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
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Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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