Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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