I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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