yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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