Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
