Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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