OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
jump out the window naked night went bad
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