So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
there is puke in my bra ... again
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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