i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
