I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
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