Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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