it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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