you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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