you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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