i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
