Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
