When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
