one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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