Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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