tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
