I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
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I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
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Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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