Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
