There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
