woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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