Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
