Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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