We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Just high enough for therapy.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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