Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
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All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
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Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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