Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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