i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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