Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
