Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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