I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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