Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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