my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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