I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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