Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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