me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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