But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
