get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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