I'm drive I can fine osifer
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
