If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
