ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
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