How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I need moral support for this bender
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Randomize
